Most Men Are Boring

Painfully.

My husband agrees.

I don't personally know this dude and I don't care to.

Hi folks.

Yea, it's been a minute. We moved across the country (PST to EST) in a new state with two geriatric pets, had to get out of our first rental three days after we arrived and had to find another in a different town, vet emergency the first and second days we arrived, left behind all our friends and family and started new jobs. We're fucking tired.

I still have the last chapter of The Automaton rattling around in my squirrely brain, and I can't wait to finish it and share it with you. I am also working on a book of poetry, art and photography that I am dying to get published before the end of the year. Stay tuned my lovelies.

I have something more important to discuss, and as always, I am open to hearing your thoughts.

With all the recent news about the Epstein files, our president being a mother FUCKING pedophilic rapist ass wipe and then the rape academy coming to light, I have a few thoughts about men.

First, I will be decentering men from my thoughts and ceasing all pursuits in finding a male friend. Several ended poorly over the past year and for those who know, you know. I am not interested in discussing the situations further. I am bored of them and I am ready to move forward. Second, I will ask everyone, including men, to decenter themselves.

LET ME MAKE MYSELF PERFECTLY CLEAR:

Women, men, trans, queer, all peoples, and most importantly children- need to be centered TOGETHER. Not one above or below the other, all of us together. That should be obvious.

Recently, I have seen several reels of attractive, youthful women discussing their opinions on why men are boring, and for the most part, I agree. The most fulfilling, rewarding and deeply loving relationships have always been with women. In those relationships I always felt safe, heard, validated, loved and it was easily reciprocated. They are genuinely curious and ask engaging questions. They want to be close and aren't afraid to show how much they care with words and actions.

I can count on one finger on how many men I've had beautiful, meaningful, relationships and conversations with. Can you guess? Yes of course you can, if you've read my post about him, it's my number one favorite (and only) man, my husband. He is highly intelligent, emotionally mature, loving, curious, confident, secure, extremely thoughtful and humble. He doesn't run away or cower from uncomfortable conversations or topics. My sister and I recently discussed how he is truly a unicorn. I have said it before, and I'll say it again, I know and understand how lucky I am. However, he is getting sex on the regular from me, so is this a hypocritical essay?!

Most men? Not curious. Conversations are one sided. They may ask "how are you" but you damn well better not tell them the truth or overexplain. They don't want to hear you bitch and moan. They don't check in, unless they want sex or validation.

Do some women do the same? Of course.

Can we blame men outright? There are societal pressures to "not be a pussy." (AKA a woman.) The lack of support from men and women upholding patriarchal archetypes, name calling and shaming for having feelings. The sheer lack of self-reflection and how their actions and words might effect others.

Conversations revolve around their interests without including women.

I'm not talking about male to male conversations of the common man variety, which includes the following:

Sports. Beer. Cars. Sex. Video Games. (Did I missing anything?)

I'm talking about heterosexual men having conversations with women. Any woman, married, single, dating, straight, trans, bi, lesbian and all of the above.

In my limited experience, and of my own personal opinion, if the straight man isn't sexually interested, or if they believe there isn't a chance of sex with the woman or get them to buy something they are selling, they lose interest immediately or soon thereafter. The conversation falls flat, they disappear, or they string the woman along long enough to believe that they care until it is made clear that the relationship is platonic by the woman then poof! Women are boring to men. If they can't give them what they want, women are deemed useless.

Women are deep sea explorers of emotional depth and meaning.

Men are hanging out on the surface, looking for a mermaid to fuck, then once they've had their pecker whetted, they come back up for air to stay in the safety of their lifeboat. Avoiding uncomfortable feelings but taking pleasure in carnal affairs.

Men can't stand being uncomfortable for more than a whole fucking second. Women with uteruses spend the majority of their lives in pain, sometimes unfathomable pain. (Hi, it's me. I had stage 3 endometriosis removed in January of 2025, along with my defunct uterus that was covered in fibroids. I nearly passed out from the pain every 2-3 weeks for about 8 years before I was taken seriously.) We are used to sitting in discomfort, staying silent and weathering the storm. We can hold other's pain gently, cry with them, empathize and sympathize.

Men can't begin to imagine and I can imagine it pisses them off, so they deflect. Most men walk around with the air of someone that should be listened to. The mansplainers, the ultra religious, podcasters, fathers, the "good men." The conservative boomers with delusions of grandeur and levels of ignorance that far succeed any former generation. The alt-left liberals who virtue signal without having true empathy for actual victims or can think for themselves. Ya, I said it. Even them.

Let's back up for a minute. What makes conversation interesting?

These elements typically apply with the subject:

• Emotion

• Philosophy

• Contradictions discussed with respect

• Opposing opinions discussed with respect

• Abstract thoughts about the subject that lead to new discussions

• Humor, wit, elegant charm

• Curiosity

• Asking engaging questions to continue the conversation

• Relating to the person

• Asking them how the subject affects the person, or others

Let's practice, shall we?

Pick any subject. I don't care, just pick one.

Let's pretend men actually are curious and want to find out more about the subject you are discussing. Let's even pretend that the man is also very interested in said subject.

The two conversing would listen with intent and stay quiet while person #1 is speaking. They are making eye contact, nodding their head and their body facing the speaker.

They wait until the person is finished. Usually, if person #1 is a great conversationalist, they are going to ask a curious question to person #2.

Person #1 is going to reciprocate in kind. They will also listen with intent and pay attention. They may also be thinking how this conversation may effect the other.

Without interrupting, each person may have something to add, but they will wait their turn. Each person will think of questions to engage the other, genuinely wanting to find out more about who they are until maybe one or the other needs a break or truly loses interest. Each person holds the responsibility to gently let the other person know how they are feeling.

The conversation naturally dies or expands. It really is that simple.

I'm so tired of men. I'm tired of their mediocrity, their excuses, avoiding their feelings behind excuses. Their boiled chicken flavor of emotions. Their blind ignorance to damn near everything that doesn't involve them personally. Their abhorrent lack of accountability like it's the most painful fart they could ever experience, holding it in, hiding in the shadows waiting for it to pass and for you not to notice the stench of it.

The way they dress up thoughts and compliments about women, like putting lipstick on a dead pig. They wax poetic with such pious convictions as if they came up with these pretty verses on their own.

Of course, not every man can be as eloquent, romantic, poetic, whimsical and philosophical as Hozier.

Now, how do I hold myself accountable as a woman? Where did/do I fall short?

I projected my ability to have meaningful, deep, loving relationships with people onto men. I've learned my lesson and I'll never do that again. I used my excuse of my unicorn of a husband to project that onto other men, thinking "not all men."

Yea, right. It's most men.

Exsqueeze me? What did I just hear from your lips? "You're wrong. There's plenty of good men out there."

Okay. Joke's on you, I'm fine with being wrong. Here's the problem with that...

Prove it. I dare you.

Anyway. Best of luck out there.