Ancient Wisdom and The Concrete Heart

I know I trigger some people when they get too close.

It's the ones who haven't met themselves. The ones who haven't done the work to heal.

How I challenge them to do the "shadow work" to discover why they are unhappy and then ask them do something about it instead of just constantly complaining, a broken record on repeat.

Maybe they are scared of my assertiveness.

My tranquility, the calmness in which I carry myself, how I can look at them steadily and directly in the eyes while they share unbearable feelings with me.

I show them that it's safe to be themselves with me and to love themselves as they are.

I am rooted, grounded in confidence in myself, it took so many years to uncover the ancient wisdom of universal love. It's imperative to understand that it is a never-ending process of learning.

Unfettered, boundless, endless and cosmic-sized love is the only way. Don’t hold back.

I had some thoughts after re-reading all about love by bell hooks. I read it nearly twenty years ago, it taught me how to be cautious, selective and skeptical.

I enjoyed re-reading it, because I can see it from an entirely different point of view as a more adultier adult that has gone through several lifetimes worth of love and loss.

My takeaways:

I think many people assume love just happens to them without effort and that they deserve to have it served to them like an ice cream sundae. It's a sweet reward to the tongue, but are you tasting love with your need for indulgences and not considering that you need healthy sustenance?

Love is an action, a routine, a choice. It's playful, creative, unique, patient, forgiving. You have to consciously chose it. Make it fun, it shouldn't be a chore.

There are consequences, challenges, risks.

Love is considerate. It is brave. A courageous person will share how they feel about you without fear of rejection. Considerate love won't ignore you, it won't leave you guessing with their silence. It holds you in deep regard when making decisions that could impact your heart.

When you chose to ghost, you chose your discomfort over authentic connections.

Do not beg for communication, attention or for connection. Those crucial things are given freely when it is a respectful love.

An intimate connection can be easily lost over simple miscommunication or completely avoiding uncomfortable conversations.

Emotionally unintelligent people try to shut others down and avoid hard and necessary conversations.

A relationship that forces you to be silent is a form of emotional abuse.

Love doesn't require you to carry the weight of unhealed wounds for the other person. You are not their therapist and they are not yours.

Do not hand out love so freely, like S.W.A.G. at a convention.

Know your boundaries, know theirs. Respect them. If you don't know, then ask.

Long term love in romantic relationships can get lost in the mundane actions of daily tasks. Make an effort to show them that you are dedicated.

We can get lost in the traumas of life, anger and dismissal can look like projection, withdrawal and silence.

Love masked in trauma leads to an anxious attachment love, or one that is withheld, only pieces of the equation are doled out, like measured meals at a prison. Don’t make it a habit that turns into a livelong sentence.

Conflict avoidance destroys the chance of creating deep bonds.

Never say “love you!” to someone’s back. Say “I love you” to their perfect faces. See the smile spread from their face to your heart. Feel it. Sit in it. Sit in the feeling of love and drown yourself in it. Allow your old cold and cowardice version of your former self to die in the love you are receiving. Awaken in the confidence of knowing that you have been given the only precious thing that matters.

How did we get here, stranger?

For tens of thousands of years or as long as we have been capable of love, ancient knowledge has been stored in our bodies. We have miraculously come from the lived experiences and love that formed between our parents, grandparents, great-grandparents and so on since the beginning of ‘us.’

We made it! We are here! Out of all the people who did not make it, who died young, never having reproduced, or by nature and illness, somehow, impossibly- you and I are HERE! I don't believe in god with a capital "G" but for the love of GOD we should be celebrating the fact that I am upright and ambulatory at the same time as you!

We haven't met all the people we will love yet, and isn't that worth sticking around for? A brand new baby nephew (I became a great aunt a few weeks ago, I can't wait to meet him), a friend, a partner, a customer, a spouse, a new love, a coach, a teacher, a muse, a coworker, a grocery store clerk, and so on and on and on.

We have so much bodily knowledge that we tapped the fuck out of.

Modernity is a gutless trap, consumerism and capitalism have failed us as human creatures. We have forgotten the old ways. Our spirit, our ‘soul’ if you will, has been silenced. Let it speak, then listen. What is it telling you?

Mine tells me to go outside and play. Collect cool rocks, show them off. Talk to the birds, sing to the trees, laugh with the flowers and keep my bare feet on the ground. It tells me to call a friend and tell them I miss them, that I think about them and I love them. It tells me to remind myself to pause and breathe, because some moments are just too much. When my body needs more protein, rest, sleep, exercise. It tells me when the work I'm doing is causing stress and when to move on. It tells me to look people in the eyes and listen intently when they are speaking to me. It says to keep going, even if I don't feel like it that day. It tells me to back away when someone is dangerous, it tells me when to move forward when someone feels safe.

"Your body literally tells you when a person isn't for you. That tight chest, the constant overthinking, the gut feeling you keep brushing off, it's not drama. It's your nervous system reacting to a lack of safety. It's your body whispering what your heart already knows: this connection is draining you."

-Unknown

Too many have become ignorant with the ease of discomfort in life. It's easier to do nothing. As a bystander, knowing I can't force or convince these people to make changes, it's heartbreaking to witness when you care about the person.

I beg of you, please listen to your body’s signals. The physical ones, not the minds anxious alarms. Practice knowing the difference. It will take trial and error, mistake and lesson learned. It takes time. Make the time.

Our greatest unmatched and untapped strength is our ancient resources, our bodies. Yet, our conscious mind cock blocks us. It knows we are living our first and only life but our bodies have all the primordial knowledge. Follow the pull. Trust it.

Does that make sense? Do I sound off my rocker or are you with me?!

After all the incalculable hurt, heartbreak then healing, I don't regret a single time that I've loved someone. I'll do it again and again, fuck it! (Laughs maniacally in sparkling incandescent love)

The Concrete Heart

My body is heavy, and my heart has swallowed concrete.

The blood mixed with the aggregate.

It solidified, blocking off any opportunity to find flow.

It must be broken by the owner of the hammer.

We cannot force the act, it must be done willingly.

The mortar between the arteries keeps the bitter heart in place.

Occluded, congested.

Time is a predicament,

With each millisecond the coagulation spreads to organs, limbs and skin.

I see it now, in your covetous hands, knuckles white from disconcertment.

Quickly now, break me open!

Before I turn into the sidewalk that everyone walks on,

The building that holds unhappy workers,

The wall that stands ominously-

Preventing anyone from crossing into the territory of my being.

Hurry now, before it's too late.

Love expires in the apathy of our resistance.